Is the feeling gone already?

Maybe with this picture, you will know what I really mean by now.

Is that just an infatuation? Maybe yes, maybe no. I still don't know. I'm still not sure of that.

A while ago, he asked me again if I could now tell him the truth about my feelings for him.  But I said no.  Then he asked, will I really say it on Christmas? I said, "I don't know." From that conversation, I asked myself, am I really going to confess to him on Christmas? But I don't know if I can handle it. I am afraid of losing him. I am afraid of being rejected. I am afraid of many things.  Then, he said that I should confess my feelings right now because if I would tell it to him on Christmas, I would just cry. From that, I became more scared and really don't know what to do.

My "mommy J" said to me that I still got lots of time before Christmas. I can still think about it. But as days go by, I can feel that my feelings for him is slowly fading. I guess, I just want him to stay as my friend right now. Not as a special someone. 

Some people would think that they prefer people who is NOT MANHID (numb) to the feelings of others. But for me, I think I want the opposite.  If only he was numb to my feelings, it would not be very difficult to me. I could continue beings friends with him and confess easily on Christmas.

OH MY GOSH. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING NOWADAYS... :|

Maybe, the feeling is not totally gone YET. But, there will come a time that it will really vanish (I hope so). OH!!!! If I can only turn off the feelings of my hypothalamus.. I mean, heart... for him, then there would be no problem. Everything will be solved. LOL